Guano will tell you about the band
SLACKER
SLACKER JASON plays a guitar with only 4 strings. Poor slob... just look at that thing... so old the finish has worn off. He scalps tickets to concerts in his spare time. If you see him wipe his face with a brownish yellow towel? That towel was once white, it's just that he
never washes it... disgusting! Oh, and when he sings it's like the sound of a spoon stuck in a kitchen garbage disposal.
SLACKER KRAGEN is a fine young lad. Too bad he hitched his wagon to these other losers. Make no mistake though, Kragen fits right in with the slacker lifestyle. See his guitar? He built that from scratch. Not bad for a slacker, eh? It's probably the only real work he ever did. Too bad it sounds like two pissed-off cats fighting over a dead fish.
SLACKER MARK is the idiot banging on those trash cans and looking like he's driving a bus. Not only can he barely play those things... the guy has trouble screwing in a light bulb. He's definitely the one who looks most like a troll. Hey, maybe we're related? He's grouchy like me and doesn't care that his drumming sounds like a crazed albatross loose in a hummel shop.
SLACKER STEVE is the worst of 'em all. The old slouch does most of the singing, if that's what you call it. Sounds more to me like an intermittent police siren. He's got all these foot pedals that make his cheap guitar amp belch and fart. Then, of course, he does his own belching and farting. The result is a horrid cloud of groaning gas.
But for some reason, when they all play together, it sounds good. They wrote some songs together and recorded them in a CD. They rehearse down in my cave and the noise rattles the bugs loose from the rocks, which I then eat. And so I let them stay. You can contact me to get a CD or you can go see them play live
. But remember one thing...
SLACKER is more than a band, it's a
lifestyle.
