Guano... Babe Magnet

Human females are beginning to swarm me like centipedes on an injured mouse. They poke my face with their lips and jiggle my troll flesh. They hold up two fingers behind each others heads to imitate my troll ears. I put up with them for a while until they start to shriek and whine. They are definitely the strangest humans I've had to deal with so far. I'm not sure I understand what it is they want. I'm not sure that THEY know either. I'm relatively safe from them here in the cave unless they wander in. I may have to set some traps around the entrance...

My SLACKER band is forging ahead despite that one of the lazy bastards has escaped. And Heidi, my kitty is getting bigger as she's been feasting on eels and koi fish.
See? My plan to have NO plan is working out perfectly!! *snort*

SLACKER in the Medical News!

Can you believe that SLACKER can help cure you of aches and pains?  How about diseases?
Ay!  What the hell do you got to lose, eh?  Try a shot of Slacker and you might find out what these medical researchers found out, that SLACKER cures you of stuff!!!

Witch Troll is Which?

Guano has become the poster-troll for a show being put on by "The Witches Cotillion" from Salem, Massachusetts with proceeds going to help an organization which helps kitties like my own kitty, Heidi (except Heidi is loved), but others are not so fortunate.

Ay!  We're talking about a real eyeball dazzler with cool stuff you ain't NEVER seen before, like ripping rock bands with hairy-armed musicians and witches and tattooed bald guys with veins on their head.  Don't be afraid!  Get out of your damn cave and see life before you're dead! This is a life in a once-time experience!  Go and have a Wiccan good time!

I'm talking about Massa-frickin'-chusetts in October just before Halloween!  Are you kiddin' me?? This show is gonna be awesome!  Deep 6 is playing live. That's the band Jimmy D'Angelo is in... and he LOVES trolls and kitties!
The Witches Cotillion chose ME, Guano, to help promote their show, even though I'm six thousand miles away from them.  That's because I'm becoming famous.  My trollish good looks are irresistabull!!! *snort*

SLACKER Bllboards going up!

Ernie is one of the only humans I know who has a tail like me. Except that it grows outta his chin.

I had asked Ernie to paint me a human-sized poster of the new SLACKER CD so that MY beeyootiful image would be life-sized.  Look at dat!  He did a great job.  I was so impressed that I put him in charge of the Japanese promotional campaign.

He now has some weird humans standing on Tokyo street corners handing out SLACKER flyers and selling CDs.  We all know how the Japanese LOVE cute things, so they're gunna LOVE me!

As of yesterday the first billboard went up in the Akihabara section of Tokyo.  The Japanese culture is now absorbing my troll image.  My trollness is seeping into ALL of your minds.   You cannot resist me!  HA HAR HAR!    *snort*

Cookin' up new songs and a mammal

Another wild band rehearsal in the cave last night.  Slacker Jason was hanging around and Slacker Kragen was poking him wit' a stick.  Small fires were set.  Beer bottles were shattered on rocks.  Typical Slacker behavior.  Eventually they got around to rehearsing and worked on some new tunes.  The "Funky Pirate" is beginning to take shape.  A funk song sung by pirates... GOOD STUFF!  It's about Pirates who are out lookin' to find some Booty, or I should say, Boo-tay...

As for me, I huddled around the fire for a while, then got me a great idea.  I tried out a new barbeque recipe.  I concocted a sauce made from Guano's Merlot, shoyu and fermented fruit paste.  I spread it onto a mammal and barbequed for 30 minutes. It was scrumptilious!