SLACKER UPDATE

A SLACKER version of the great Led Zeppelin song "Kashmir" will appear on the much anticipated SLACKER CD due to be out on July 1st, 2011.  The original Zep tune was written by Jimmy Page, Robert Plant and John Bonham and was released in 1975 on their famous Physical Graffiti album.  Kashmir is typically ranked very high among the greatest classic rock songs of all time.
 

SLACKER would like to thank the Rock Gods of Zep, WB Music Corp and Flames of Albion Music for granting permission to release the song on their upcoming self-titled CD.

"What da heck were you thinkin'?" asks Slacker Mark.

"Hey Plant, you kick ass!" says Slacker Jason.

Slacker Steve (not shown) snickered that Mr. Plant will probably regret this day for the rest of his life.

BABY GUANO

These buttfaced band guys keep asking me where I came from.  So for all you human idiots who think trolls are born old, here's a picture of me when I was a baby.  See? I wasn't always this handsome.

Yeah, that's right, I think I'm gunna post whatever I want to this band website.  I'm also gunna be adding a store where you morons can buy SLACKER CDs, t-shirts, hats and whatever other useless crap I can sell you. Of course, much of it will feature ME. After all, it's really ALL about ME! The one and only celebrity band troll.
SNORT!

SLACKER playing "BEER SONG" on YOUTUBE

Ay! Dis is Guano.
I fell asleep on a freight barge last week and ended up on the Big Island.  I spent a few days in a lava tube.  The chickens over there have a smoky taste and I love the stench of fresh vog.  But I had to hitch a ride back to Maui in time for the live SLACKER gig. Yeah, da boys did good! The BEER SONG got some yelps and cheers and I saw some of them humans holding up their beer glasses to the band.  I love drunkards.

Hear the BEER SONG on this YouTube video.

See SLACKER on stage? Yeah, what a bunch of idiots. That's me watchin' from backstage. I had some kind of crappy dark beer with sun-dried centipedes as hors dwarves.

SLACKER is off to a pretty good start for a bunch of lazy-ass knuckle headed humans.
So stay tuned here for updates on what stupid things SLACKER might do next.

SLACKER NEWS!

SLACKER CD is almost finished!   TRACK 5 on the disc is called "BEER SONG".

The day the mastering was completed for this song, Slacker Jason took it over to the producers of the Maui Brewers Festival thinking it might be something they'd be interested in.  They immediately chose it as the theme song for the Maui Brewfest!  Radio ads with the Beer Song were running the very next day!  One day after the song was completed, it was playing on the radio

Not only that...

SLACKER will play LIVE at the Maui Brewers Festival on the stage of the brand new outdoor Yokouchi Pavilion at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center on May 14th, 2011. Don't miss this performance!

IN OTHER NEWS...

GUANO HAS BEEN SPOTTED on the BIG ISLAND!

Guano is Still MIA

What a week! We are terribly concerned about our beloved Guano. We placed LOST TROLL flyers around town and have received some responses. Unfortunately, these photos were taken before he disappeared.

This photo above was sent to us showing Guano, barely visible, bush-slacking in the outskirts of the park, typical of his troll behavior. Not the cat... but the red blob of crud in the background. This was more than a week ago, however. 

Poochie snapped a shot of him in the garbage cans, which scared the bejeezus out of him. You can just see him poking his bat ears out of the can.

Somebody by the name of Crapplebum spotted him by the school dumpsters. We can't tell what's going on there.

And then just before he disappeared, he was seen asleep on top of the porta potty by the harbor. That Slacker would scare the crap out of any unsuspecting slob trying to take a dump. 
He probably realizes that he affects people who stumble across him in the dark, but he seems to not care in the least.


Please contact us at Slackerband@gmail.com if you spot our red troll.
Thank you,
The Slacker team

OUR TROLL IS MISSING!

Have you seen our beloved Guano?  We are very worried about him. He disappeared on May 1st.  Last seen in Wailuku at Keopuolani Park rummaging through dumpsters.  No distinguishing marks except that he's very red and has a small but disgusting boil on his nose.  Been known to sleep in areas with feral cats.  Distinct odor of ass.

DO NOT APPROACH HIM!  He's very grouchy to strangers, but when given candy he becomes as gentle as a rabid mongoose.  He also eats geckos, small birds, frogs and old slippahs.  We need him back to promote our band.
Contact us at slackerband@gmail.com

REWARD!
A free SLACKER CD and some beer

Thanks for looking,
 The Slacker Team

MY FIRST POST

These guys came into my cave and made a lotta noise. At first, I wanted to kill them and stuff their corpses into crevices. But then the loud music they were playing rattled the bugs loose from the ceiling, which I eat.  So I made a deal with them...

I let them rehearse in my cave and in turn they feed me. I eat candy and chocolate. They named the band SLACKER after me cuz I don't do much 'cept pass wind and sleep.  They recorded some of their songs at Maui Wave Studio with some slackass bastard by the name of Peter Lago. I wanted to gnaw the tattoos off his legs but he actually turned out to really know his shit. He recorded SLACKER and mixed the songs and they are puttin' out a CD, so I'm just lettin' ya know about it.

 Ya know, if there were more Slackers like these guys I might not mind you ridiculous humans. Slackin' is a lifestyle. Stop your frickin' worryin' and whining about yer stupid jobs. Relax and have a drink. Eat candy, Listen to music. Lay back and shut the hell up.  SNORT!