Thursday, May 5, 2011

OUR TROLL IS MISSING!

Have you seen our beloved Guano?  We are very worried about him. He disappeared on May 1st.  Last seen in Wailuku at Keopuolani Park rummaging through dumpsters.  No distinguishing marks except that he's very red and has a small but disgusting boil on his nose.  Been known to sleep in areas with feral cats.  Distinct odor of ass.

DO NOT APPROACH HIM!  He's very grouchy to strangers, but when given candy he becomes as gentle as a rabid mongoose.  He also eats geckos, small birds, frogs and old slippahs.  We need him back to promote our band.
Contact us at slackerband@gmail.com

REWARD!
A free SLACKER CD and some beer

Thanks for looking,
 The Slacker Team
Posted by Guano at 2:23 PM

10 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 5, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    I think I saw his fat ass down by the Maui Beach Hotel last night. I smelled something horrid, I heard an awful belch and then I saw what looked like a sunburned pig crawling around the harbor's edge. It was dark and I couldn't get closer because of a rancid stench. Good luck with that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. PatMay 5, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    Dude, you sure you want that thing back? He makes my willie nelson.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BenderMay 5, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    I found feces on the cruise ship dock and some half-eaten eel. He may be disguised as a tourist.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Linga LindleMay 7, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    That's one butt ugly troll.
    Course, eating frogs will do that to you....

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 7, 2011 at 10:50 AM

    So you mean Guano was out "trolling" the harbor?

    ReplyDelete
  6. FreektoutMay 7, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Sheesh, did a red bat mate with a warthog?
    Oh wait a minute, I forgot about my mother-in-law.

    well, he not only makes my willie nelson, he gives my nelson the willies.
    Ok I admit I'm not sure what I'm talking about...

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  7. Willie NelsonMay 7, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    ...Even I'm freaked out!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousMay 9, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    I heard that thing's been haunting the freight dock for years. Somebody said it was asleep in a porta potty and bolted out between their legs when they opened the door. creepy!

    ReplyDelete
  9. EddieMay 9, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    Somebody or some thing was slackin' in my car last week. I found chicken bones and greasy three-fingered paw prints all over the back seat... and then, it left me a smelly little gift on the dashboard. Could that have been Guano?

    ReplyDelete
  10. The Slacker TeamMay 10, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    Oh ya, thats him.
    Could ya tie a chicken to yer bumper and let us know if he comes back?

    ReplyDelete

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