SLACKER tears it up at SLACKFEST

 Ay!  This is Guano! To celebrate the new CD, SLACKER went frickin' crazy at SLACKFEST.  Just watch the video of their song "In Front of Everybody".

That's the 2nd track on the CD.  A couple of gorgeous dancers help out in the background too.  Smoke and lights and loud music makes me happy!

Here's a pitcha of SLACKER with Slacker Sharon, who we also call Mama Slacker.

And Slacker Mark is VERY proud of himself after blowing the crap out of his drum monitor.  Yeah, dat's what I'm talkin' about!!  Speaker shrapnel was being barfed all over him like a confetti cannon.

SEE? I TOLD YA

The debut SLACKER CD arrived at my cave today and they came out great!  Ten songs of pure Slackdom from those four goofs in the band. I peeled off the cellophane and my image is clear and red.  It made me wanna dance!

I was so happy I bit the postman in the butt on his way out just for the hell of it.  I opened it up and my image is right there on the CD itself!  Then I'm on the inside cover too!!!  I was so excited I drooled all over it!

I'm even on the frickin' back!!!  Guano is EVERYWHERE!  DEAL WITH IT YOU HUMAN GOOBERS!! AARHAHARARAR!!

Here's a list of the SLACKER songs.

1. No Commercial Value

2. In Front of Everybody

3. Kill Her!

4. Midlife Crisis

5. Beer Song

6. Guano         (that one's about ME!!!)

7. Strange Arpeggio

8. Who is Foolin' Who

9. Kashmir

10. Spy Stuff

Those last two are BONUS TRACKS.  Kashmir is SLACKER's version of the Led Zeppelin song.  I refer to it as Slackmir.  Then there's Spy Stuff.  That's three spy songs that are so sharky you'll find yourself gnawing on your own tail.  I know I did. 

But, Guano, where can I buy it? SLACKER will soon be available on iTunes, CD Baby and other download music sites.  I'll let you know so RELAX!  If you're anxious, I'll mail ya some if you can't wait.  I'll even autograph it. How's that?  Maybe include an 8x10 of ME!.  All for just $10 bux.  Drop me an email at slackerband@gmail.com... that is, if you can muster the strength to get off your damn couch.

Ay! Don't forget to order a SLACKER T-shirt or you'll be a complete loser.

SLACKER and Kris K

SLACKER was thrilled to have Kris Kristofferson stop down to the cave recently.  This is one of the few humans I actually like!  In fact, I even jumped into the photo myself.  He didn't run off like the last guy.  Kris said he was very anxious to listen to the new SLACKER tunes.

Then he gave all of us a CD that he recorded which is called "Closer to the Bone".  I can relate to that title... I love bones.  He even autographed 'em for us.  What a nice guy.  You're welcome to come down and slack with us in the rehearsal cave anytime, Kris.

Guano has a new Camera

I followed Slacker Jason & Slacker Sofia to a nice beach yesterday.  I dug some holes and found out where the crabs hide.  I also caught one large tasty cane spider.  The rotten egg stench from the nearby sugar cane refinery was wonderful.

I was just getting cozy in a tree when some tourist started taking photos and pointing.  I had to chase the lady down the beach until she dropped the camera.  But I think I bit off a little of her left heel.  That camera takes good pitchas!

Here's what Slacker Jason looked like when I got back.

Here's one of the crabs I ate.

Here's a picture of my skin.











We're still waiting for the new SLACKER CD to arrive any day now. They keep emailing me and asking if we really want to proceed...
  
SLACKER will be performing at SLACKFEST next week and I'm gunna take me some pitchas with my new camera.  If I can get one of those video cameras, I'll shoot some video too and post it on my YouTube channel.  I am becoming a media mongrel!

A visit from Kenny G

There's this musician called Kenny G who came down to the cave to meet SLACKER.  They talked about music and he was showing off some kind of brass bong that he brought.  I was resting behind the amplifiers and took a picture of him.

They slacked around the cave for a while and he seemed quite happy.  Then, I don't know what happened... Slacker Steve was playing a SLACKER song on a boom box and I thought Kenny was diggin' it.  I even felt comfortable enough to jump down off my perch to get a better shot.

That's when his whole demeanor changed and his curly hair got all wacky.  He made the same screeching sound one o' those seabirds make when I clamp my jaws down on 'em...  hurts my ears.

You pathetic humans just act so weird sometimes.  How the hell do you live like that?  You're all way too unpredictable.

So then he runs outta the cave like a cat that just got his tail bit off.  I'm hoping he just wanted to tell somebody about the great songs.  Oh well...whatever...
I DID like his hair.

Booze by GUANO

The more I hang out with the guys in SLACKER, the more I realize they haven't got a clue.  The ONLY thing they can do right is play music.  Listen to the "BEER SONG" in the YouTube video below.  That song makes me dance.  BTW, they start it off with, "swig, swill, drink" instead of one, two, tree.  I told 'em to do dat.  Know why? They can't count!  Idiots, I tell ya.

 

Hey, if any of you goofy beer brewers want to license SLACKER's Beer Song to promote your lagers, contact me.  If not, I'll just have to brew up some swill of my own. 

Yeah, dat's right...  I can make my own beer right here in the cave.  "But Guano, are you MAD?", you ask.  Ay listen, dis place is PERFECT for fermenting crap.  I trow all my garbage into a series of cave pools down here.  Each one develops its own repugnant flavor after a while.  All I gotta do is chill it and bottle it, see?  It'll be Guano's SLACKER Troll Beer.  How 'bout dem apples?  Sounds duhlicious, don't it?

Ay! Howzabout my own vintage wine, hmmm?  I could fill some empty WWII oil drums that I found down here and let 'em sit where it's dark and dank, which is pretty much anywhere.  After it ages for a month or two I'll market it to all you hairless monkeys as a "mighty Cabernet featuring a robusty BOOkay with just a light scent of fish".

See?  Click on da pitchas for a close-up!

Think about it!  I'm a genius!  What's wrong wit you people!!?

You're all a buncha idiots

Last night I found a nice hole in the sidewalk to lay down in and as soon as that frick'n sun came up, some lady starts yelling at me.  She made me jump and bump my head.  Why do humans have to freak out like a trapped mongoose when they see me?  All that hysterical crying and pointing...

See, the guys in SLACKER don't get all stupid like that.

Look, they even put MY image on the cover of their new CD. Then they try to make their faces look like mine.  Or maybe its just that they can smell what I'm smellin'.  But there's Slacker Jason and Slacker Steve with the prototype cover of their new CD that's gunna be out on July 1st.  Maybe THEN you bat-rastards will start to appreciate my unique bee-yooty!