SLACKER is playing on internet radio!

The "Beer Song" by SLACKER is now playing on Empower Radio http://empowerradio.info/

My buddy, Gerg, is blowing up computers with his new indie radio station. CHECK IT OUT!
Gerg is not a GOON like most of you humans. This guy has grit and has rocked in the trenches with the trolls.
Chat with the Gerg, Chat with Guano, DANCE, DRINK, EAT, FART!
Tune in to Empower Radio NOW!  My fat butt is right there spinning in the CD player!

Your sometimes-friendly Troll,
Guano

Neil Sedaka Kicks Ass

Neil Sedaka is one cool human. I jumped out of the bushes as he stepped from a limo and he never flinched. I was impressed, and invited him down to the cave to slack with the band. He was gracious enough to sign this Sedaka poster for us.  He didn't flinch again when a rather large spider ran by his feet. The guy has nerves of steel. The band jammed with him playing some of his classic songs.

Slacker Jason showed Neil a prototype of some Slacker Guitar glasses that he's been developing. Neil was honest and said he didn't think they'd be big sellers. He said we needed something that would stand out more. We appreciate honesty like that.

Neil, we've placed your picture on our cave shrine wall as a true Slacker friend. There are many slacker friends on the shrine wall and you'll be placed prominently so everyone will know that you are now dubbed Slacker Neil. Congratulations!

Guano... Babe Magnet

Human females are beginning to swarm me like centipedes on an injured mouse. They poke my face with their lips and jiggle my troll flesh. They hold up two fingers behind each others heads to imitate my troll ears. I put up with them for a while until they start to shriek and whine. They are definitely the strangest humans I've had to deal with so far. I'm not sure I understand what it is they want. I'm not sure that THEY know either. I'm relatively safe from them here in the cave unless they wander in. I may have to set some traps around the entrance...

My SLACKER band is forging ahead despite that one of the lazy bastards has escaped. And Heidi, my kitty is getting bigger as she's been feasting on eels and koi fish.
See? My plan to have NO plan is working out perfectly!! *snort*

SLACKER in the Medical News!

Can you believe that SLACKER can help cure you of aches and pains?  How about diseases?
Ay!  What the hell do you got to lose, eh?  Try a shot of Slacker and you might find out what these medical researchers found out, that SLACKER cures you of stuff!!!

Witch Troll is Which?

Guano has become the poster-troll for a show being put on by "The Witches Cotillion" from Salem, Massachusetts with proceeds going to help an organization which helps kitties like my own kitty, Heidi (except Heidi is loved), but others are not so fortunate.

Ay!  We're talking about a real eyeball dazzler with cool stuff you ain't NEVER seen before, like ripping rock bands with hairy-armed musicians and witches and tattooed bald guys with veins on their head.  Don't be afraid!  Get out of your damn cave and see life before you're dead! This is a life in a once-time experience!  Go and have a Wiccan good time!

I'm talking about Massa-frickin'-chusetts in October just before Halloween!  Are you kiddin' me?? This show is gonna be awesome!  Deep 6 is playing live. That's the band Jimmy D'Angelo is in... and he LOVES trolls and kitties!
The Witches Cotillion chose ME, Guano, to help promote their show, even though I'm six thousand miles away from them.  That's because I'm becoming famous.  My trollish good looks are irresistabull!!! *snort*

SLACKER Bllboards going up!

Ernie is one of the only humans I know who has a tail like me. Except that it grows outta his chin.

I had asked Ernie to paint me a human-sized poster of the new SLACKER CD so that MY beeyootiful image would be life-sized.  Look at dat!  He did a great job.  I was so impressed that I put him in charge of the Japanese promotional campaign.

He now has some weird humans standing on Tokyo street corners handing out SLACKER flyers and selling CDs.  We all know how the Japanese LOVE cute things, so they're gunna LOVE me!

As of yesterday the first billboard went up in the Akihabara section of Tokyo.  The Japanese culture is now absorbing my troll image.  My trollness is seeping into ALL of your minds.   You cannot resist me!  HA HAR HAR!    *snort*

Cookin' up new songs and a mammal

Another wild band rehearsal in the cave last night.  Slacker Jason was hanging around and Slacker Kragen was poking him wit' a stick.  Small fires were set.  Beer bottles were shattered on rocks.  Typical Slacker behavior.  Eventually they got around to rehearsing and worked on some new tunes.  The "Funky Pirate" is beginning to take shape.  A funk song sung by pirates... GOOD STUFF!  It's about Pirates who are out lookin' to find some Booty, or I should say, Boo-tay...

As for me, I huddled around the fire for a while, then got me a great idea.  I tried out a new barbeque recipe.  I concocted a sauce made from Guano's Merlot, shoyu and fermented fruit paste.  I spread it onto a mammal and barbequed for 30 minutes. It was scrumptilious!

GUANO is SO LONELY

This is my kitty.  Her name is Heidi.  I found her in a dumpster, all alone, meowing for help.  I licked her clean and kept her warm.  It's hard to be all alone.. Humans can be so cruel sometimes.  I wish I had friends but NOBODY LOVES ME....  Even an ugly troll needs love.

Won't you be MY friend???? .... on Facebook???
Your friend,
Guano Troll

DOWNLOADS NOW AVAILABLE

Ay humans! You can now add SLACKER songs to your iPod, or whatever the hell you use.
The album is available in digital music stores, including iTunes. Just click above on the "MUSIC" page.

Speakin' of iTunes, here's a pitcha of dat Steve Jobs guy when he was talking about meeting me.  Yeah, dat's right.  I was in a park gnawing on a rotten apple and he was glaring at me. Where do ya think he got that logo idea from?  I chased him until he started screaming like a little girl.  So I let him go.

Now go to the MUSIC PAGE! *snort*

GUANO is FINE ART... sorta

Ron Pitts is a friend to SLACKER and has visited the rehearsal cave many times.  Even though he slacks most o' the time, he occasionally paints fine art and displays it locally.  I even got one of his mermaid paintings hanging down here by the toilet.  I met Ron on a tugboat.  He was the chief engineer who came down to fix the diesel engine and I was asleep under a pressure valve.  When I woke up, there he was gawkin' at me with a raised wrench.  I farted from fear, he laughed, and we became friends.


Ron also illustrates humans doing crazy things for a newspaper called Maui Time Weekly in a column they call "Eh Brah".

Well, this week he put a pitcha of ME, Guano, right into the illustration that appeared in the paper!  See the pitcha on da wall? Howdaya like dat!?  Pretty sneaky, eh? 
Thanx Ron, for thinkin' of ME.  You are one of da GOOD humans!